Isabella about 1 year ago. It's crazy that a year ago she couldn't even crawl yet. I remember buying the dress she is wearing in the picture for Easter, and the fact that she only wore it for Easter. :) Also, at this time last year she was just beginning to get acquainted with a sippy cup and was trying to feed herself unsuccessfully. A year really does go by way too fast when you have a baby. I'm excited to see what the next year will bring, but I'm just trying to savor the moments right now before they are gone.  

This was taken a few days ago, but it still shows how much she's changed since last year. Now you can tell she's giving me attitude just by looking at a picture. ;) Also, you might notice her beautiful painted finger nails. After I painted them I had to ask myself why I hadn't done it sooner. It's super cute, and Isabella was "fascinated" by the process. 

Ms. Pill Popper

I had a doctors appointment today...finally. For months I've been having trouble sleeping. I've also had headaches and chest pain. I forced myself, with Doug's help, to finally go to the doctor. That was a waste of my damn time.

For the last 2 weeks or so I've been taking sleeping pills and they've worked great. The bottle says not to take them for more than 2 weeks, so I figured since I couldn't sleep without them the doctor could maybe figure something out for me.

I've had chest pains for a few years now. The pain isn't anything that I can't deal with, so up until now I've chosen to ignore it. The headaches have also been happening for a couple years probably.

I tell the doctor all of this. He then asks me if I'm suffering from depression, anxiety, or stress. I say no. I'm not depressed and I do have anxiety every now and then, but it's nothing that really bothers me or gets in the way of living my life. It's probably just normal anxiety that everyone has at times. As for stress, I'm always stressed. I think, in a way, I feel this need to be stressed. Simply because when I don't have anything to stress about than I stress that I need something to stress about. Get it? Basically though it's nothing out of the ordinary for me. I've pretty much always been like that. Which pisses me off about this entire thing because I've always been able to sleep before, but since November I can't get to sleep on my own.

After all of that he does the one thing I didn't want. He prescribes me medication. What?! Are you kidding me??? I don't want it. I don't want to take it. How is this going to get rid of my insomnia?? I suppose if I take a pill for the rest of my life then I'll be able to sleep, but I don't want to take a damn pill until I die. Not only am I prescribed medication, but he gives me 50 pills at a time with 4 refills. Are you fucking joking crazy doctor man? Do I really need that many pills?

After he prescribes the pills the appointment is basically over. Nothing further was mentioned about my headaches or chest pain. I guess I figured he'd at least listen to my heart or something just to make sure. He told me to come back in 2 weeks and we'll see how everything is going. Oh, and he doesn't just prescribe me a sleeping pill or anything, which would make sense to me because that's my problem. He prescribes me an anti-depressant, anti-anxiety pill. Why? I'm thinking that if I have depression or anxiety, shouldn't I figure out what's causing that rather than taking a pill? Actually no I shouldn't figure out the cause because I don't have any of that.

I guess I don't really know what I was expecting him to do for me, but I wasn't expecting him to write me a prescription within 5 minutes of seeing him. He definitely comes across as "pill happy". I mentioned to Doug that I should go to him sometime and complain about pain and have him prescribe me some pain killers. Then I could sell them to people and makes lots of money. But that would be illegal. ;)

Anyways, I don't know if I'm going to get the prescription filled or not. My plan is to try and sleep this weekend without any help from pills. If I can't sleep then maybe I'll break down and get the stupid stuff. It's frustrating though because I tend to be anti-pill. I don't really know why usually. I just don't like taking pills I guess. I realize I'm complaining about something that's pretty dumb, but it bothers me that some doctors act like a pill will solve everything. Maybe I need to figure out other ways to get to sleep that I haven't thought of yet. I hear banging your head against a wall helps. Maybe I'll try that.

Um....ok...???

This has got to be crap, right?

Wow, she needs a life, and so do I since I actually watched the entire thing.

Drama free? Yes, indeed!! (hehe, i couldn't help myself)

Big surprise, but nothing much is going on around here. Yesterday we did have Isabella's 18 month appointment for pictures. Lets just say that it wasn't very enjoyable. I can't completely blame Isabella for being crabby. Actually I don't blame her at all. Basically there was this dumb, slow chick from Hoople (why does that matter? it doesn't) and that's why Isabella was crabby. We showed up 15 minutes early like idiots. The chick and her little boy were done with their pics at about 4:30 and our appointment was at 4:40. What time did we finally get in to get Isabella's pictures taken? Oh, let's see...4:55. This dumb chick took 25 minutes to pick out her damn pictures! I could understand 10, but not 25. Who the hell needs that much time?! Plus, the photographer chick kept showing the dumb chick more options of what they could do with all the pictures. This pissed me off more because it just confused the dumb chick which in turn made her take longer to pick out her pictures. Grrrr.....dumb....

Finally we get in to take pictures and it sucked. By this time Isabella was bored and definitely not happy. I think the photographer was able to get about 7 or 8 pictures before we finally just gave up. I was ready to give up after 1, but whatever. The nice thing about taking just a few pictures is that I didn't get sucked into buying tons of them. I actually only ordered 4 different poses. Plus, the photographer chick tried showing me all the "beautiful" (which really means expensive) ways they could make Isabella's pictures. But since I'm not dumb I said no every single time. It probably took me 5 minutes to pick out my pictures, and 2 minutes to pay for them. 7 minutes you dumb idiot chick!! Grrr....

Anyways, we don't have to go back to the photographer until September for bell-bell's 2 year pictures at least. Although 6 months sure go by fast. Oh, and she didn't smile in any of them either. Surprisingly, that didn't bother me at all. I'm more surprised that there were pictures taken that didn't have her screaming. There were a couple where she gave these half-ass smiles. Kind of like she thought what the photographer chick was doing was actually funny, but she was trying not to laugh. Bell-bell won that game.

Last night I made homemade vegetable beef soup. I was worried it would taste like shit because the recipe was too easy, but it actually turned out well. Today or Saturday I'm going to try and make a graham streussal cake, or something like that, and hopefully that will turn out too.

Oh, Isabella had gymnastics on Wednesday. Doug took her and she didn't exactly do well for him. I guess she threw a couple tantrums and one really big one with screaming, kicking, falling to the floor, and the ever dramatic head banging. Yes, she loves to fling herself back and smack her head on the floor. Then she'll usually lay there for a second stunned, look to see if we are watching, and then start screaming again. So basically after Wednesday we decided that it wasn't just me that causes her tantrums in gymnastics, so it makes me feel a little better. ;)

Alright, soooo...hmmmm...that's about it. Later!

Pulling her boots around the house in her lego wagon, AND sucking her thumb at the same time. Now, how many of you can do that all at once? That's what I thought... 

Isabella having a bath. I would be willing to bet anything that bathtime is her all time favorite thing to do in the world.  

Kind of blurry, but you get the point...she's crazy happy in the tub... 

I like this pic because it caught her splashing. Doug's holding the shower curtain in front of her to protect himself. This is a nightly occurence... 

She thinks she's soooo funny, and she's right... 

It might be hard to tell, but Isabella is carrying her Aquadoodle around in her mouth with no hands. There's a little strap on the side to hold the pen and she figured it's good for biting and helping her carry it around... 

Doug took this pic because it's the first time she's picked up whatever she's eating out of. Usually when there's food in a bowl or on a plate, and she's trying to scoop it up, she ends up pushing the plate/bowl around until she gets frustrated and just uses her fingers. Smart baby I tell ya... 

Isabella wearing mommy's shoes... 

Isabella likes to run around with her hands down the back of her pants. We don't have a problem with that until she's wearing a shirt that isn't a onsie and she ends up sticking her hands down her diaper as well. So I decided to put her hands in her pockets to try to get her to do that instead. She seemed to be ok with it until she figured out how to get her hands out of the pockets and then she never tried it again. 

She looks silly... 

Bell-bell all ready to go over to aunt April and uncle Kevin's house. We were going over there shortly before her bedtime, so we just put her pj's and slippers on before we left. We set up her playpen over at their house in an extra room, so she's able to sleep and we don't have to leave real early. 

Isabella showing how much she loves string cheese...holy crap does she love it... 

Isabella and daddy excited about having some fruit snacks... 

Isabella playing with Play-Doh for the first time. I know it says she shouldn't play with it until she's 2, but I couldn't wait any longer. I didn't let her eat any of it, and after awhile she gave up on trying. :) She played with it for about an hour and when I decided it was time to clean it up she got pissed off. At least we know she likes it and it was worth the $1 to buy it. :) 

Mommy tried to make a bracelet, but bell-bell didn't really like it... 

Terrible...so terrible...

Go here: http://www.myspace.com/kevinfederlineforreal

Yes, this is Kevin Federline's MySpace. He has decided to bless the world with a new song of his. I guess it's a song, but it doesn't sound like one to me. If you haven't heard his other song "PooPooZoo", or whatever it's really called, then consider yourself lucky.

By the way, anyone who disses US Weekly is not a friend of mine. Trust me, you want to be my friend. ;)

FORBIDDEN...well, everyone except for April...

As usual, nothing much has been going on the last few days.

Friday Doug stayed home with Isabella so I could go out with Kevin and April to Paradiso's for Blake's birthday. It was fun even if the waiter stole Kevin's pop and hid it in Iraq. Ok, so I'm an idiot...sue me... Then we went to Muddy Rivers with a friend of April's named Jess. I've met her like once before and she's one of the few people in the world that doesn't annoy me, so woo hoo for her!

Saturday we didn't do squat.

Sunday Isabella and I cleaned a little. I bought some new cloths to dust with and so I gave Isabella her own to help me dust the living room. She was really into it at first, but then she decided that she didn't like the one I had given her so she needed mine. We probably went through this process of switching cloths for 10 minutes. Overall Isabella did a good job helping me. I'm determined to have the only kid in the world who loves to clean and we never have to fight with her to clean her room. Ha!

Later that night we had Kevin and April over for chili. Although Kevin didn't really eat any because he said it smelled like crap and looked even worse. Ok, so he didn't say that. He actually just doesn't like beans. Therefore I can't blame him for not wanting my chili because there's millions of beans in it.

This morning I made some cookies, and the rest of the day I'm just planning to clean the rest of the house and do laundry. Usually Sunday is our big cleaning/laundry day, but Doug worked this weekend so he slept during the day. When that happens my entire schedule is screwed. I don't know why but I don't like to do some of that stuff when he's sleeping. Probably because certain chores, like running laundry up and down the stairs, are hard to do with a toddler running around. I usually feel guilty doing certain chores like that and she's not able to really help out. I'd rather be doing something with bell-bell instead of the dishes.

This week Isabella doesn't have gymnastics because it's spring break. Part of me is sad since Isabella loves to do it usually, but the other part of me is happy. As much as I love letting her do it, I also can't stand being the one who has to take her around and do the activities. For whatever reason she still seems to do better with Doug than with me. Although last time I guess she threw a fit for him once, but hey, when she's with me she's throwing fits every 2 minutes.

Doug and I are still really thinking about the entire tubes vs. chiropractor thing. It sucks so much trying to decide. To be honest though, after everything I've read and also after talking to Kevin, we are leaning more towards having the tubes put in if it's necessary. I read a couple things that mention possible brain damage with chiropractors. Now, the chance of that are incredibly slim, but do we really want to risk brain damage? I'd much rather Isabella go deaf. Then at least she'd be "with it" so to speak, and then we'd just have to learn sign language. Again, I'm sure I'm freaking out about nothing, but oh well.

Alright, I'm officially done with talking about nothing. It's amazing how I can drag out a pretty uneventful last few days. Crazy...

Do we need a Chiropractor???

Ok, so I'm talking about Isabella and her ears. Doug was talking to his sister tonight about the chance that Isabella may need tubes in her ears. She suggested that we go to a chiropractor first. I guess Ang & Brian took Emberly to a chiropractor when she had fluid in her ears and basically he fixed it, and she didn't need tubes. Our goal now is to do as much research as possible about this and see if it's a good idea. We will obviously still go to Isabella's appointment with the specialist in April, but if there's a chance we can do something other than cutting her ears WIDE open I'm all for it. I've only looked on the internet for a little bit tonight, but I definitely haven't found much about it. I think we will do some more internet research and then maybe call some chiropractors and see what they have to say about it all.

Our plan, as of this minute, is to do whatever research we can. Go to the specialist. Ask him/her about the chiropractor thing and get their opinion. More than likely schedule surgery for Isabella, and then go to a chiropractor sometime before the surgery day. Then the day of surgery have them check bell-bell's ears and see if there is still fluid in them. This is basically just a rough plan. We will definitely revise it where needed, but it makes me hopeful that there may be another option out there for Isabella.

I don't want to do anything that is going to delay her speech any longer than it's already been, but if there's a way I can stop the doctors from cutting open my babies ears then I am going to do whatever it takes. I've even been reading about herbs that supposedly help with this. I think I'm even getting sucked in to the idea that these herbs might help. Trust me, I'm not an herb person, so that just shows how desperate I am.

I guess basically I'm hoping that this chiropractor thing works out, or she just doesn't need tubes at all.

I'm also wondering if any of you know anything about chiropractors treating toddlers with constant fluid in their ears. Anyone that can give me advice or knowledge, whether it's good or bad, would really be appreciated. I know to some of you I may be freaking out about nothing, but I don't give a shit. If I have to choose between chopping the hell out of my little girls' ears, or having someone straighten out her back...what do you think Doug and I would choose???

Anyways, hopefully we'll be able to decide what is best for her and with as little stress and anxiousness as possible. There's less than a month until we find out what the damn doctor thinks we should do, so I'm determined to be smarter than him when we walk into the room. :)

MS Awareness Week March 13-17

April's mom, Penny, posted a bunch of information about MS on her blog (http://pennysbs.blogspot.com/). I just thought since MS awareness week is coming up I'd help out and post it on my blog. I know it's not much, but maybe someone will come across it and learn something from it. Besides Penny, I know one other person who has MS, and it's a crazy disease. You never think the person who has it will get it. Anyone reading this should pass it on and I'm hoping that a little more good and awareness comes from it.

18 month appointment...kinda sucked...

Isabella had her 18 month doctor appointment today. She now weighs a whopping 23 lbs., and is 29 1/2" tall. Her weight is still a little below average, but they aren't concerned about it, and she is gaining weight, so we don't have anything to worry about. She's slightly shorter than average, but I'm surprised she isn't a munchkin anyways since I'm not very tall.

I asked about her pigeon toed feet. Doug's mom seems to think that it is something we should be concerned about, but neither of us are, and the doctor said that it's normal for kids her age. Most kids are either pigeon toed or their toes point outward. She watched her walk and run around and said that she's walking normally. As usual it's just something to keep an eye on, but nothing to worry about.

We talked about her speech, or lack of, and basically found out what I already knew. She is behind in her speech. Big surprise. The doctor checked her ears, and surprise, surprise she has fluid in them AGAIN. Her doctor said that is more than likely the cause of her speech delay. It's funny because neither I or Doug even thought about the fluid in her ears since the last appointment when we found out her ears were all clear. It makes sense that she could get fluid in her ears again, but it never crossed my mind. So now we have to go and see a specialist on April 5th. Her doctor said she's pretty sure she'll need tubes in her ears. If for some reason she doesn't then she will be sent to a speech specialist to see what else could be her problem, if she has a problem I guess.

I am soooo not excited for her next doctors appointment. I do not want them to cut her ears. Like I've said before, and I'm sure every parent who goes through this feels, I do not want them cutting my baby. I don't want them cutting her, or giving her anesthesia, or bringing her into a surgery room, or her having to recover in a hospital for a little bit. I don't want any of that. When we left her appointment today I was actually very pissed off. I don't really know why. It's not like it's anyones fault that she has fluid in her ears, but I guess I'm just worried and so I want to blame someone for it. Bush is an easy target, so it's his fault now.

If she gets tubes in her ears then hopefully that will help with her speech. Her doctor said that lots of kids with Isabella's problems get tubes put in and within a month they are improving dramatically with talking. I really hope that's what happens with her. If for some reason she doesn't improve with the tubes then she would have to see someone else about her speech, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Other than her ears she's basically happy and healthy. Oh, we are supposed to buy her vitamins. I'd been thinking about doing that, but wanted to talk to her doctor first. Since she doesn't eat much they will help make up for the stuff she's not getting. We can even just give it to her on the days that she doesn't eat well and not give it to her on days where she eats lots. I think the only thing she's probably lacking in her diet is iron. She's not a big meat eater and I try to get her to eat salads, but she won't. She can be picky on what vegetables she eats too. Corn is one of the only ones she really likes. I do know she gets more than enough fruit though since that's about the only thing she will ALWAYS eat. :)

Anyways, I'm glad she's doing well, but now I have to sit here for a month and hope that her ears clear out on their own once again. I wish her appointment was today so I wouldn't have to worry about it, but nope. Oh well.

Isabella and her cookie...

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Ummmm...what?

Why is my blog acting stupid? Tell me people!

Here's a pic that you can see the Tweety Bird cookie Doug and I bought for Isabella the other day. Minus the nose and mouth. 

Bell-bell trying to give daddy some cookie. BTW, he didn't really want any cookie...I wouldn't have either after the way Isabella messed with it...:)

Isabella checking out her hands covered in frosting...yummy, right? 

The last few days...

Friday we drove up to DL to visit Doug's family. We basically just hung out and relaxed. Then Sunday we went over to Doug's sister's because it was Emberly's birthday. The weather was crappy, so we left at about 2:30, and the roads were good so we made it home pretty easily.

The last couple days I've just been cleaning and doing the usual stay-at-home mom stuff. Right now Doug is at Kevin and Aprils. He went over there to watch their old band tape. It's a tape that they recorded of themselves like 8 years ago practicing songs before they had to play a show. We watched a little bit of it awhile ago and it's crazy. Doug and Amadon look so young. I didn't see any of Kevin though. It was funny too because we all noticed how Amadon couldn't stand still the entire time. :) Amadon was supposed to go over to Kevin's, but I guess he had to clean or something. Coincidence? I think not.

ANYWAY, Isabella has gymnastics and then her 18 month doctor appointment this week. I'm very excited AND anxious to find out how much she weighs. I'm also interested to find out if we need to start worrying about her speech. I've calmed down on the Autistic thing, but honestly, I'm still a little concerned. Maybe it's just mommy crazy, but I don't want to find out when she's 10 that we should have done something when she was 18 months.

Otherwise nothing else is going on. I'll probably update again after her doctor appointment. Later!

Bell-bell having a little rest at auntie April and uncle Kevin's house...

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Crazy dancer...

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Learning some new dance moves from auntie April...

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Chunk-chunk, takeing a thumb break and beginning to dance to a commercial... 

nice move bell-bell... 

Singing and playing guitar. How talented is bell-bell? Very talented... 

Isabella organizing grandpa Tom's pantry. She really taught him a thing or two... 

She's really into stacking cans...